Everyone knows the names Jon and Kate. Even if we don't watch the show loyally we know what it is about and we cheer for their family. I guess you would say it has a soft spot in all our hearts.
As the media has splashed all over the world, this couple is breaking up. My heart hurts for them as individuals but a breakup doesn't effect the couple only it has 8 other people involved also. It will be something that all of them will deal with for the rest of their lives.
How do you think it got to this point? Too many children? Too much media? Not enough family time? Not enough date nights? My answer to this would be yes, yes, yes, yes. But not one single thing brought them to this point.
I don't think that 8 children broke the marriage up, I don't think the show broke the marriage up, I don't think not enough family time broke the marriage up, I do think that not enough date/private time hurt the marriage. Along with that as we saw the personalities in the show, roles were being reversed. Jon was very passive and Kate was in control. Before you disagree, let me explain my thoughts.
Date nights are very important. Gregg and I really didn't realize this until about 3 years ago. We came to a point in our marriage that we were doing everything that would nurture our family and keep our home running but if our marriage was a car, we were forgetting about the maintenance on the engine. Everything was being taken care of except for the most important part, the part that makes the family a family. The marriage. Once we realized we were away from that we started dating every week on a set night. It was understood that Wednesday evening, we were going out. Some weeks it was to a nice restaurant, some weeks it was to a Chinese walk up in the mall. But we were out and able to spend two hours just talking and laughing with each other. This made a big difference in the interaction that we had the rest of the week. We continued our conversations throughout the week. We started looking forward to the date night and even started talking about what to do a couple of days ahead of time. We even got very defensive of that time and would not let things interrupt it. You need establish a time in your marriage that you block time to just talk. Time that is not interrupted. Your mate needs to know they are that important to you and you want to spend time with them.
Roles in a marriage is a hard one to talk about. In today's era, women are placed in roles that is of authority. Men are placed in roles that are submissive to women. I don't want this to be interpreted as being wrong. I am glad women can work and achieve positions that fullfill their work goals. In the home, the man should be the leader. He should be the one to take the home and lead it. The woman should be the one to nurture and comfort. It is a partnership that works together. In the case of Jon and Kate, I heard over and over, Jon saying he gave up his job to stay home while Kate is out doing her business with the book. This is a warning signal that he is sounding out. Men need to feel like they are providing for the family. God made men to work. That is put in them from the beginning. Even though Kate enjoyed writing her book and probably enjoys interacting with the readers, she is always wondering how the kids are and is always ready to get back to them quickly. This is a signal that she desires to be with them and nurture them. Not being out on the road providing for the family.
See where the roles are playing out? They are reversed. These are not roles that are in the past, these are not roles that are for people that lived in the good ole days. These are roles that God has given us. We can pretend they don't matter, we can pretend that they are not that big of a deal and we can pretend that it don't effect us. But they do. It is something that God has put in us and it is every man's natural desire to provide for the family by working and it is a desire for the mother to nurture and care for the family.
This article is not to bash Jon and Kate. My heart hurts for them. Being in the public eye along with having a large family is constant work and exhausting. You can read on their website about the days they met and how much they were in love. That was real. This is something that we need hope can be resolved and restored. As couples we need to learn from this and guard our marriages. Time & date nights are a must. Take the time to spend listening and sharing with your mate. It doesn't have to cost much to do that but you have to do it. Roles in a marriage is important. The man needs to feel he is providing for the family's needs by working and the wife has to feel like the home is in order by her nurturing the family.
Guard your marriage. You have to be active in doing that. No one else will guard your marriage. Protect it and leave your marriage as a legacy for your children to follow.
Below is a link to the wedding vows that Jon and Kate took. Listen to the vows and take them to heart. They are so easy to say but they require work and a full armor to guard.
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