Some walls in your marriage are needed

You always hear people saying, "you have to tear that wall down before you can reach that person", or "they have a wall built so high around their emotions that I don't think it will ever be torn down." These are wall that have been put up to protect our feelings or from being hurt in a bad relationship. I am not talking about this type of wall in the marriage. I am talking about a wall built by both you and your spouse. A wall of protection for your marriage and family.

I remember through out our marriage many times that I would try to build that wall and maybe my husband didn't see the need for it or times that neither of us saw a need for the wall to be built or maintained. Trouble always seemed to creep in when that wall was not being built or maintained. It could be small attacks from the outside world that infringed on our time or our resources or our emotions. But the small attacks if not dealt with quickly would turn into a huge battle ground.

Marriage and family is a fortress and fortresses need to be protected. I have never seen or read about a fortress that didn't have a huge wall built around it to protect it's delicate homes. That is what marriages need.

To have a healthy wall around your marriage here are a few tips that need to happen.

• Both husband and wife needs to agree that the boundaries / wall is important.
• Set your boundaries of where the wall will start. For example: We are careful about movies, we don't go or meet anyone of the opposite sex alone, our computers are in the open family room, etc. Agree on these boundaries and keep your distance from them.
• Celebrate with each other the commitment that you have made to keep these walls of protection around your marriage and family. Be sure to let your spouse know you are making this commitment not out of guilt but because you love and respect them. Enjoy the comfort of knowing your marriage is being protected.
• Remember your commitment to your spouse daily. Pray for your spouse Tell them if you are struggling. Your spouse needs to be that accountability partner. They need to know when you are weak. In your weakness, your spouse can be strong for you.
• Forgive. This is a hard one. If your spouse crosses the wall, you have to have the heart of forgiveness. Trust is broken, and hearts are shattered but that wall needs to be repaired. Trust your heart and remember the commitment you have made to your spouse and to God. Odviously , according to what act was done, the act would have to be dealt with accordingly. Rely on God for your direction as well as wise counsel.

You need to build this wall together, Ntandem. But if you have a spouse that is not ready or is not comfortable to do that with you, you take the stand and you build a wall that you see would protect your marriage. Let your spouse know that you are making a commitment to them to keep your marriage protected. Don't drill it in them or give them the guilt trip. Respect your mate and let them know they mean so much to you and your marriage is a priority to you so you want to protect it.

Walls do crack, break and crumble if left alone. This is a constant work that needs to be done. It will make you and your spouse feel secure in each other and give a renewed celebration of what commitments you have made with each other.

Build your wall, make it strong and seal it with love and prayer.