Time Away

My husband traveled for many years at the beginning of our marriage. He had a job that kept him from home at least 12 business days out of the month. Our marriage struggled to the point that when we argued, we would even say the S word. (Separation). This was a huge warning sign that things needed to change on both of our sides.

June 17, 1989, Gregg and I stood in front of family and friends and most importantly we stood in front of our Lord and made a commitment of death do us part. Deep down in our hearts we always remember that commitment we made to our parents, friends, family and to our heavenly Father. I can truly say that is what got us through our rough time in marriage.

Neither one of us really wanted to be with the other, neither one of us wanted to work out a solution, and neither one of us had enough clarity to see what was really happening.

We were growing apart. Our roles in our home were being reversed. Gregg was not able to be around the home as often, so I took on roles that was his. I started building resentment. I felt like I was doing it all and he was just out having a good time traveling all over the USA. On the other hand, Gregg, felt like he was sacrificing his time with his daughter, son and me along with his church to be out on the road making a living for us to enjoy. He was providing for us but he felt like he was just looking in.

When we realized what was happening we started to heal. I realized the struggles that Gregg was going through because of not being home with his family and he realized the stress I was under trying to maintain the household while he was away. I also realized, I needed to share memories that was being made while he was away with him but not do it in a way that made him feel like I was trying to make him feel guilty for not being there. He was already feeling that way on his own.

When I started appreciating him for what he was doing for our family, in providing a living for us and knowing his heart was still at home and when he started verbally thanking me for managing the home while he was away, our hearts began to soften.

You hear the saying, Time away makes the heart grow fonder. That is still up in the air with me as far as saying time away is a good thing. I think time away for a special trip is OK. I think time away on occasion is a good thing. We all need mental breaks.

I have learned over my years of marriage that when one of us is away, we both need to immediately start talking about our return home as soon as we leave. The building of anticipation of the return keeps the heart at home. The reunion between you and your mate needs to be made know to each other as a celebration. Don't make your mate feel guilty about being away. If they truly love you and their family, they already have a hint of guilt of being away. Don't make that grow and consume them.

My husband left this morning for a 3 night trip for work. If you a close to me, you know that I don't sleep very well when he is away. It is not that I am scared, but it is because I don't have my mate next to me. My husband makes a point to call each evening at bed time and he talks to me and one of the main things we talk about is the plans we are making when he returns.

Celebrate your mates return don't dwell on their leaving.