Do you and your spouse have a couple that you can talk to?

Do you and your spouse have a couple that you can talk to? Talk openly with, share your struggles and ask for advice? Marriage Mentors. Every marriage no matter what stage your in needs a couple that is your marriage mentor.
What is a marriage mentor?
A marriage mentor is someone that has walked down the path that you are just starting.
One that is ahead of you and your spouse in the marriage walk.
A couple that has been married at least 8-10 years longer than you and your spouse.
Who is not a marriage mentor?
Not your mom and dad or your in-laws. They are great for support but not ones you need to confide in.
Not your best friend. This couple should be someone that you meet with mostly to talk about marriage.
Not someone that is know it all. You need a couple that is living in the real life. Not someone that thinks they can fix everything.
Not a couple that is talkers. Check around with their social circle and make sure they are not gossips.

Once you have found a mentor, spend some time with them. Start with a meal and just share your marriage story with them and then let them share their marriage story with you. Build a relationship with them. It is usually best to keep the conversation more directed to marriage and family. This couple is not to become your best friends. That is not the purpose of the relationship.

Listen to your mentoring couple. Listen to what they say, how they say it and also their body language is toward each other when they talk about one another. Take the positives and also learn from their life lessons. One important point is to not get so caught up in their history that you don't see the point of the lesson they learned. Don't get so wrapped up in the details that you don't see what they learned and how it impacted their marriage.

It is so important that you have a mentor in your marriage. Seek out that older couple. A couple that you already gravitate to, a couple that you see having joy and respect for each other.. Make a point to meet with them at least 3 times a year for encouragement and challenges.

Your marriage will be richer because of the investment you make in listen to others that have a sucessful marriage.

Romeo Romeo Where Art There Romeo

My husband and I went to Shakespeare in the park last night. It is a free production that our city does each year. It is very professionally done. I have wanted for several years to go to one of the productions. I was just afraid to ask my husband knowing that is not something that he would really enjoy.

This past Friday, I called him at work and said, "honey, do you want to go to the Shakespeare in the park this coming Wednesday?" His response was, "Are you asking, do I want to go and see the play or are you asking, do I want to go with you somewhere that you will enjoy?"

Hmmm.... I have never thought about how I ask questions to my husband. I knew the answer to the first question without a doubt, and really I knew that he would go with me to the play if I wanted to go. But his response showed me his heart. No, he really didn't want to go to the play but if it was with me, he would enjoy it. No he didn't want to go sit and swat bugs in a park but if I wanted him there he would go.

The way we ask our spouse questions is very important I have learned. I changed my question and asked him, "honey, do you want to go with me to Central Park and see Romeo and Juliet?" He response was, "I would love to spend time with you on Wednesday." The difference is, I know that he is not being pulled to the play against his will but he is wanting to spend time with me regardless of where we are at. My enjoyment will be watching the play with my husband and his enjoyment will be hanging out with me while having to watch a play. Both are fine and both fulfill each desire while not feeling like you have been made to do something.

The night was wonderful. We sat under the stars watching Romeo and Juliet, holding hands, laughing together and just enjoying one another. I knew he didn't really want to be there but how special it was to know that even if he would have been more comfortable at a sporting event, he loved me enough to come and share a time with me that I loved. That is romantic.

My challenge to you is to evaluate the way you ask your spouse questions and how you answer to their questions. Step out of your comfort zone and do things with your spouse not because you enjoy the event but just because you are doing it with them.

TIme. The greatest gift is Time.

Have you heard the saying, Love is spelled, T-I-M-E. Marriage takes time. I know this is something that you already know. Time is an essential part of building a healthy marriage. If you don't put time into your marriage, you will not learn the person you are married to, you will not create memories with eachother, and you will not develop a healthy line of communication.

My precious husband has taken a new position at his job. He is having to go through 12 weeks of training which means working around 50 hours each week. Weekends are spent at the job. This has been a hard adjustment for us as a couple. In the last 3 years, we have built importance in time spent with each other. Time spent alone with each other. Right now we are going through a season that our time is limited and family time is having to come first. But we are still creating time with each other as often as we can.

You need to be intentional in taking time to create memories together. Memories that you can laugh at, talk about, share with others, and day dream about. Memories with your family is important, but special memories with your mate is important. Memories don't have to involve a airplane, beach and a large credit card bill. Create memories in your own home, at local parks, on a golf course, etc. A great book that we have and enjoy reading to refresh is Doug Fields book called Creative Romance. I just check on Amazon.com and you can click on the book title and order it for as low as 1.93 new. This book is old but still an awesome resource. Create memories with your spouse. Journal about them, scrapbook about them. What a history you will leave for your children. The best gift you can give them is a healthy marriage.

If you don't spend time with each other, your communication will break down. You can use text, phones and email but face to face communication is the best. If you are face to face, you can read the body language of your spouse. Talking through your day with your spouse is important. Even is you don't work with each other, you spouse needs to be a part of that life also. When you start saying to each other, you never told me that, that is a sign that you are not spending time with each other and sharing your life with them.

You need to spend that time with your spouse. You need to be your spouses biggest listener and adventure partner. Start carving out time during the week to just spend with each other. Don't fill it with friends and family all the time. Guard that time. Family and friends might not understand why you guard it so tightly but I would rather explain that then explain why we are splitting up. I would rather show my children that their father is important to me and we are striving to have a healthy marriage.

If you don't do this with your spouse, I challenge you to mark off an evening this next week and plan something. It can be small. A walk around the neighborhood with each other or a dinner out at a semi fast restaurant. Start writing you spouse notes, letting them know you desire to have time with them alone. Start building that desire.

Knowing when to just be quiet

What type of person are you? Are you one that wants to just fix the problem and move on? Are you one that wants to talk the problem through? Or are you a person that ignores the issue and hopes that it goes away?

We were leaving for a weekend away on Saturday morning with our two children (ages 19 & 16) and it just seemed like we just could not get out of the door. This was not any one's fault, things were just not falling into place. I was outside giving my plants one last watering. I have a tomato plant that is in a hanging basket that is huge. When I went to water the plant, my bracket broke. Since the plant is hanging upside down, I could not sit it down. So.... I was out side screaming at the top of my lungs.... GREGG.... GREGG.... After about 4 to 5 times of me screaming, he came out. He didn't come out with a rush to see what I needed, he came out with a WHAT do you want. Because all he saw was me holding a basket of tomato plants and yelling his name.

Now let me intersect here and tell you, my husband is bent to be the one that just fixes the problem and then moves on. I on the other hand is one that wants to talk about the problem then fix it and then talk about it again.

When he came out with that big WHAT do you want, I really took it the wrong way and words were said. Now, He was not in the wrong, I was not in the wrong, but we both were in the wrong on how we handled our words. When I went back at him with my words, I said, "All I want is your help with this, I can't do it" My husband, knew to stop talking. He realized, I was the weaker of the two and he needed to stop being frustrated and stop the talking. He was quiet for the next few minutes while trying to figure out how to fix a bracket for a tomato plant that he doesn't even like to eat the fruit from.

Through this few minutes of me continuing to water my plants and him working on the problem, I saw a act of love through this. Words were not spoken that explained each side, but acts of service shown through the words spoken earlier.

This little bump in our day actually ended with a smile of accomplishment on his part because he met my need at the time and hug of thankfulness from me telling him that I appreciated his help.

When times are stressed and you are trying to get several things acomplished, that is when words that are really not needed to be said get said. As a mate, we need to step back look at the situation and then act in a way that is loving and helpful to our mate. Sometimes, these times just need to be quite acts of service. Words sometimes only hurt the situation.

I saw in my husband this past Saturday morning, the power of just being quiet. My challenge to you is to find the power in silence and not the power that sometime hurtful words bring.

My Husband Rocks

I saw a T shirt today that says, My Husband Rocks! That slogan has stuck in my mind through out the day. Do I believe my husband rocks? Do I let him know that he rocks? Do I show others that my husband rocks?

Rocks? What does that really mean? Rocks? I think that means Rocks my world. Does he turn my heart when he still comes in, does he turn sour into sweet, does he make me melt in his arms? Yes, Yes, Yes to all three. My husband rocks. Gregg works many hours with his job and I find myself waiting for the phone to ring to hear his voice saying that he is on his way home. I can count the minutes till he walks in the door. My home is not complete until he is there. He is always looking for solutions when I have a problem. I have had to learn that is his way of loving me. I use to want him to just listen to me whine and not give solutions, but after 20 years of marriage, I realize that is his way of loving me. Helping me find a solution and not stay in my pitty. And, yes, I melt in his arms. I love when he come up behind me and wraps those long arms around me. That is peace on earth.

Do I tell him often how he Rocks my world? I tell him often that I love him..... hmmm is that the same? Maybe not. Our husbands need to hear why we love them. They need to hear that we appreciate the things that they do and why we appreciate them. This is so hard, especially if we have a full house of kids and activities to stop and let him know he is a Rock in your world and he is appreciated. Men need to feel they are being recognized for their efforts to provide for the family. Not national recognition, but from the ones that love him. He needs to know that he Rocks your world.

When I am with my girlfriends, do I lift up my husband or tear him down? Wow, it is so easy to get on the bandwagon of bashing our husbands. Don't do it!!! Don't jump on. It is not worth the damage that it might cause. You need to be your husbands #1 fan. If you are not, you need to intentionally do it. It is a mind set. Don't brag to your friends, but have a sweet spirit when talking about your husband. Dirty laundry stays in the laundry room. Don't air it out with others.

With Father's day coming this weekend, what a great time to practice telling your husband he Rocks and why. This is an easy one. If he is not a father, still honor him as being a leader in your home. Honor him as being the provider for your family, a Rock in your world. Let him know what a big void it would be if he was not there.