In My Weakness He is Strong

This is a phrase that is used often when talking about the Lord holding us when we are weak and can't seem to go any further. I have had many times that this was the case. I felt like I had went as far as I could go and the Lord would then hold me and sustain me and even show me more than I thought I ever could see and do. In our marriages that same phrase should apply.

I have heard and even laughed at people that hit the age of 40 and hit a depressed state of mind. I really didn't understand that feeling that they were going through. Well yesterday was full of so many events, one being my 40th birthday. Now I can understand. I have never felt a rush of emotions like I did yesterday. I turned 40, my neice had surgery, my nephew's wedding anniversary, my children's last day of summer, husband had to work until late, strategic planning meeting at work, and the list goes on. It all hit on a day that I really just wanted to forget.

Now you are asking what does this have to do with "in my weakness, he is strong"? My sweet husband understood before I even understood what was going on. He had already picked up on my emotions before I finally lost it at 5:30p.m. on the phone with him. He had already set words, actions and alerts in place to comfort me when I needed it. He had the words to say to me when I needed to hear them, he directed our children on how to respond to me, he let me know that he would rather be home with me than anywhere else at that moment, he even didn't make me feel like I was crazy for feeling that way. But I think the stong part was when he started suggesting things to me. He had already started seeing signs of this coming before my actual birthday. He had already started developing a plan to show me for my life and future. He had suggestions, words of affirmation and comfort. He told me what I am good at , he told me where he thought I would shine and he also corrected me in areas that needed corrected but in a loving way.

You see, I really don't think this has to do with the 40th birthday as much but I think that the 40th birthday often times hits in people lives when so much is changing. Your body, your children, your lives. I think it is a point in most people's lives that so much change is happening and we just don't know what to do with it. We start thinking about how we lived our lives up to this point, how we raised our children, the regrets, the joys, next 40 years... the unknown. This is almost like a major check point all coming together at one time.

We need to be ready for when our spouse goes through this time. We need to be an encouragement for them. Be ready. Have words ready to say to them. Have examples to give for encouragement. When my loving husband spoke these words to me, I know that is not his strength. He is a man of few words but I know that he was the strong one and I was the weaker vessel at the moment. There is going to come a time in his life that I need to be that person. I need to prepare myself and begin to think of ways that I can encourage and hold up my husband when he is weak.

I am now officially in the 40+ club. Now I am looking for a how to manual to survive. :)

Whatever is Pure

Think on things that are pure. That is so hard to do. Especially if you are angry with your spouse. Phillippians 4:8 is a security, reminder and a swift kick in the rear to me during a time that I had allowed my mind to be filled with negative thoughts. Negative thoughts toward life and my husband. I can remember sitting on a front porch at night, bugs flying all over and thinking all the "what if's" that could be thought.

One night when I almost had myself talked into believing that I had totally had my life going in the wrong direction, God gave me this verse. Not the whole verse but 'what is pure' from Philippians 4:8. The Lord laid it on my heart that I needed to only focus on things in my life that was pure. Things in my life that were true. Things that were of good motive.

I immediately starting writing a list that went something like this;

1. My love for my husband is pure. I love him, no doubt about that. Nothing would change that I love and care for him.
2. My children, I love with all my heart.
3. My parents and my husband's parents, I love with all my heart.
4. God created this marriage and sealed it with us making a commitment to each other.
5. God created both of my children in his image.
6. My life has been blessed by God and the gifts he has given me.
7. My God is the same now as he was before and will be in the future. I can rest in that.
8. I am a child of God so as I would not let my children hurt without comfort, He would do the same.

These were just a few things that started running through my head. It was a huge mind game. I truly believe that it was from the devil and me allowing it happen. At that point, I got up, folded the paper and slipped it in a special place and promised God that I would try to think only of things that are pure. That is so hard. As I continued to deal with my negative thoughts that maybe were self inflicted or by my some one's attitude or actions, I was reminded by that still small voice to shift my thoughts on things that were pure. I love my husband, this child, this parent, this friend that is standing in front of me and what we are going through right now will not change that fact. I love them so much that I am willing to stand through this short time of fire to keep a relationship with the one I love.

Amazingly, focusing your thought with the pure, creates an atmosphere of love and compassion and also understanding. It takes care of many issues. It combats mind games that might be going on in your head.

Trust me, I realize that sometimes the issues that you are dealing with might be one that needs further resolution. It might be an unfaithful spouse, a child that has gone wayward or a friend that has attacked you, but you still have the pure thoughts of Christ and who He is and that He will never leave you. Dwell on that as much as possible.

"And, now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing, Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." Philippians 4:8

Money, is it the root of Evil?

Money is the root of all evil is the saying that I have always been told. Is that really true? Do you and your mate agree with that statement? We sat in our small group today at church and had a discussion on what do we think about our money. Is it a thorn that divides our families, or it is an avenue for us to use to better our lives and others around us?

I think it is both. Being a thorn is what it becomes more often than not. I think we have bigger eyes that what our purses have money in them which in turn causes us to build a debt that is hard to come out of. When you get into that cycle, it is hard to recover. I remember sitting in bed one night many years ago talking to Gregg about our finances. We were in the biggest debt we had ever been in and I didn't see any way to get out of the debt quickly or painless. My reaction is to tighten the belts, cut all expenses in every area and live off of peanut butter and jelly until it was paid off. Gregg's approach was to look at our investments and try to rearrange them to take care of the debt. This was not a debt that grew overnight but it was accumulating over a few years due to Gregg's job of traveling and our love to travel with him. At that point I had to let Gregg take care of it. It is not natural to me to let go so that is hard, but I had to let go and trust that Gregg knew what he was doing. With in the year we were debt free minus our home and 1 car payment. That was a listen I had to learn. I had to trust my mate and let him take care of it. I could have fought him the whole way and it would become a thorn in our marriage but i realized we were on the same team and we needed to defeat the debt together.

Money can also be an avenue to serve others with. This is something that you and your spouse have to be passionate about. If you love the City Arts and your husband doesn't, don't you think he would not understand or like it if you donated money to them? Or maybe he is huge with the wildlife refuge. Would you like it if he donated a large sum of money to them for their squirrel rescue project with out talking to you first? Having extra money to give to people and organizations is an awesome place to be in your marriage but you both have to be on the same page or have an designated amount that each can give out. You both need to be on the same page.

Gregg and I have a strong desire to invest our time and money as we get older in a small town in Honduras where we have wonderful friends and we see the need of money and service there. That is our goal is to one day spend long periods of time there. That is goal we are working toward.

Don't let not having money tear your marriage apart and don't let having money tear your marriage apart. Don't help the say, money is the root of all evil, continue to prove to be right.

Can't get any better than this

It is Saturday, in the middle of July and it is 72 degrees at 4 p.m. My husband is off the whole weekend and we went shopping!!!!. I don't think it could get much better than this. Today has been one of those days that we have just enjoyed hanging out. We woke up without an alarm clock ring in our ears, talked for a little while before getting up and then got up leisurely. I made breakfast for us. Gregg loves grits (southern to the bone), eggs and bacon. So I attempted to make the grits for him. I love to cook but for some reason, I can not fix grits. The grits are even the minute grits. I think it is a mental block.

Around 11:30 a.m. we headed out to the mall to visit a couple of stores and then to drop by and see our daughter at work. We went to a game store, Apple store, S&K mensware (which is closing so we purchaed a suit for $63.00 yeah! ) and then he went to the golf store while I visited a craft store.

Today was a great day because it has been forever since we were able to just hang out. With Gregg's schedule we rarely get a full day of just time with each other. We are heading out tonight to a couples home to have a bon fire and play cards. This will be a great way to end the day.

I look for these days don't you? It is like they don't come very often but when we get them we want to milk them for every minute. These are the days that make small memories. Ones that you really don't have huge stories to tell about but ones that connect you even more to your mate. Time is the best gift you can give each other.

Have a great Saturday!

Empty Nest and Marriage

How are we going to deal with empty nest? I think it is going to be hard to adjust. I think I will have a hard time with it but I really think my husband will have a harder time with it when it becomes real. Are we ready for that? Do we need to go ahead and prepare for that? Or should we have been preparing for it ever since the first day our daughter was born?

I think as parents and husband and wife maybe this should be thought of through out the years as our children are growing up. From the day they are born, is it not our responsibility to raise children that will leave the home? If we are raising our children to be able to stand alone and leave the home, shouldn't we be preparing also at the same time for empty nest?

What are some ways to prepare for the empty nest? What are some ways that we can stay connected to our spouse and not have to re-introduce ourselfs to him/her when our children move out?

• Keeping a date night. Date nights or days needs to be kept and done as often as possible. You need that time to connect with your spouse. You need that time to where you can share your thougths and ambitions. If you don't do this, 20 years go by and your spouse might not even know what you desire or want to do with the rest of your life.


• Keep your bedroom a place of haven. Don't turn your bedroom into a place to store baby items, clothes, or your work. Keep your bedroom a place of romance and passion. Candles, pillows, special drawer with lotions, cd player, make sure your bedroom allows you to connect with your spouse and not have to stumble over that little tykes bike.


• Write your spouse love notes. Send your spouse a card. Write a note on a sticky note and stick it in his car. Be sure to let them know that you desire to spend time with them.


• Listen for things that your spouse says he likes and dislikes. Listen closely. There is a saying that your taste buds change every 7 years. I firmly believe that your taste period changes often. Listen to your spouse as he is talking to friends or even to you and hear the things that he is saying he enjoys. Focus on them things when you want to do something special for your spouse.


• Talk about memories with your spouse. Go back into history and talk about how your fell in love. Keep that love fresh.


• Talk about your future together. Gregg and I want to travel. We want to go to every professional ballpark in America. To some that sounds crazy and boring, but we want to do that together. It is something we would enjoy together. Dream together on things your want to do.

These are just a few things that we try to do to keep our marriage alive. We fail in so many areas. We have to pick the ball back up so many times. But what a great tesitmony to your children for them to see you building your marriage and keeping it strong even when they are not there.

20 years celebration

I married a tall, skinny, curly red head from the valley of North Georgia. He had sun kissed freckles, long arms and legs and had a smile that would melt me every time it appeared. Twenty years ago this Wednesday, our lives began together as husband and wife. Did we really realize what that meant? I don't think so but we were committed to find out. Our lives from that point became tandem. We were walking through life together. Hand in hand, step by step and in unison. We were NTandem. Together 4 life.

Our journey together has had many times that our steps were going different paces and maybe one took a stop and allowed the other to travel alone, but as the term tandem means, One behind the other, going in unison, there was always a place for the other to return and get back in unison in our marriage. Brief moments of time that we might have felt alone but knowing that the partner was not far away.

Take this journey with us. Cling to the word tandem. It is a powerful word when thought of in marriage. Are you NTandem with your mate, your future mate?