In My Weakness He is Strong

This is a phrase that is used often when talking about the Lord holding us when we are weak and can't seem to go any further. I have had many times that this was the case. I felt like I had went as far as I could go and the Lord would then hold me and sustain me and even show me more than I thought I ever could see and do. In our marriages that same phrase should apply.

I have heard and even laughed at people that hit the age of 40 and hit a depressed state of mind. I really didn't understand that feeling that they were going through. Well yesterday was full of so many events, one being my 40th birthday. Now I can understand. I have never felt a rush of emotions like I did yesterday. I turned 40, my neice had surgery, my nephew's wedding anniversary, my children's last day of summer, husband had to work until late, strategic planning meeting at work, and the list goes on. It all hit on a day that I really just wanted to forget.

Now you are asking what does this have to do with "in my weakness, he is strong"? My sweet husband understood before I even understood what was going on. He had already picked up on my emotions before I finally lost it at 5:30p.m. on the phone with him. He had already set words, actions and alerts in place to comfort me when I needed it. He had the words to say to me when I needed to hear them, he directed our children on how to respond to me, he let me know that he would rather be home with me than anywhere else at that moment, he even didn't make me feel like I was crazy for feeling that way. But I think the stong part was when he started suggesting things to me. He had already started seeing signs of this coming before my actual birthday. He had already started developing a plan to show me for my life and future. He had suggestions, words of affirmation and comfort. He told me what I am good at , he told me where he thought I would shine and he also corrected me in areas that needed corrected but in a loving way.

You see, I really don't think this has to do with the 40th birthday as much but I think that the 40th birthday often times hits in people lives when so much is changing. Your body, your children, your lives. I think it is a point in most people's lives that so much change is happening and we just don't know what to do with it. We start thinking about how we lived our lives up to this point, how we raised our children, the regrets, the joys, next 40 years... the unknown. This is almost like a major check point all coming together at one time.

We need to be ready for when our spouse goes through this time. We need to be an encouragement for them. Be ready. Have words ready to say to them. Have examples to give for encouragement. When my loving husband spoke these words to me, I know that is not his strength. He is a man of few words but I know that he was the strong one and I was the weaker vessel at the moment. There is going to come a time in his life that I need to be that person. I need to prepare myself and begin to think of ways that I can encourage and hold up my husband when he is weak.

I am now officially in the 40+ club. Now I am looking for a how to manual to survive. :)

Young Love

Young love, do you remember that feeling? I can remember planning for hours what I was going to wear, how I was going to fix my hair, and my makeup. All the details I had lined out hours before my love came to pick me up. Wow things have changed, ring on the finger, two kids later and over 20 years together, I don't really spend much time planning my love to come home or time together on a daily basis. I will for special occasions but not daily.

When the kids were younger, I had a daycare in my home. Gregg would go to work and I would just be getting up and getting ready for the day. When Gregg returned I still looked like I had just got up. Hair not really fixed, makeup maybe on and wearing a sweat suit or shorts and t shirt. I knew when he would be home, he normally would call and tell me he was on his way home but my priorities had changed. It wasn't being presentable for him it was being comfortable and busy with the kids and household. This is not right or wrong but for our husbands it is not pleasing to the eye. I am blessed to have a husband that doesn't complain but when I do make an effort, he praises or compliments me so that tells me what he prefers.

Our mates are away from home all day with people of the oposite sex that don't have the best intentions in mind or maybe they are honorable but they are dressed, makeup on and hair looking great. As a wife, we need to be pleasing to our husbands. We need to look pleaseing to his eyes for his return home.

In the book of Song of Solomon talks about the visual attraction that you and your mate should have. This attraction doesn't need to end on the wedding night or when your children is born, it should continue through out your marriage. This is something that is shared with your mate and it grows deeper over time. Continue to make yourself pleasing to his eye, you are his beloved.

My challenge to you and to myself is prepare for your mate. Prepare for their homecoming each day, for your reunion back together each day. It doesn't have to be big, just do something that makes him aware that you thought about his homecoming. What is more special than your love returning home to you each day? That should be the hightlight in our day within our marriage.

"I am my love's and my love is mine" Song of Solomon 2:16

Adults only Romantic Bedroom

If you are like me, our bedroom is one of the last places that I spend my time decorating or even cleaning. I am lucky if I get a new comforter set once ever 4-5 years. It has not been one of my priorities until lately.

We have always made it very clear and evident to our children that our marriage relationship is very important and priority but as far as making our bedroom a place of refuge, that has not been a priority. Budget wise, the master bedroom should to. My view on the home is, you didn't (or shouldn't)buy your home for show, you bought it to meet your needs and desires. Your master bedroom should be one of the main rooms in the house for you and your spouse.

Here are a few things that I am putting into place to make our bedroom a place that we want to spend time in.

1. Clean the room! That is yelling at me. I am the worlds worst to come in at night and change clothes and the next morning the clothes still be draped where I left them. Or I will blow dry my hair in the bedroom and leave the hair products out on the dresser. Now, my husband is bad about having a stack of books laying around, you know the ones that he plans on reading. (the only part he reads is the dust messages that we leave lol) Cleaning the bedroom will make us sleep and rest so much better.


2. Throwing away items that you don't need anymore. I am just visualizing my room right now. I see things on my dresser that is like, perfume bottles that I have not worn in years, papers that no longer is needed and yes, a lamp that is sitting in the corner that no longer works. Get rid of it. Clean out! While I am cleaning out, I am going to clean the drawers out also. I have some gowns that I know is not pleasing to my mate. You know, the knee length cotton (with sleeves) gown with a character printed on it. Get rid of items that need to be tossed that you wear also.


3. Rearrange the furniture and add a splash of color. I don't like how the bed is positioned in our room right now. It splits the room in half. Our room is a mustard gold and black accents with a cherry bedroom suit. I am trying to add splashes of color throughout the room with red.


4. Making our bed special. I love my bed. My husband bought my bedroom suit for me. We were away for a marriage conference and he arranged for the suit to be delivered and set up. I love my bed. But it is needing a face lift with new pillows. Make your bed a place that you want to go.


5. I want a dimmer switch for my lights and darkening blinds for the windows. I have candles throughout the room and in the bathroom but I want to add an element through the lights and keeping the sunlight out on days that we want to just stay in bed. I know the dimmer switches are not expensive so that is on my short list.


6. Tell you history in some of your decorations. Place pictures, special cards, etc through out your room that tells your love story. I have found a few of the letters that my husband wrote me when we were in high school. Shh.... I am going to have a couple framed for us to put in our room. I am so excited.

I am so determined to make our room the place in the house that my husband and I desire to be in. A room that we can retreat to and feel comfortable and relaxed and a room that we desire to share our love in. Tell me your ideas on how you have made your bedroom a place of retreat. We are looking at our decorating budget. I think our bedroom should have just as much priority to decorate as the family room. If the family room can have new paint, then

For Adults Only!

Is your bedroom for adults only? I know when I had small children, they would start out in their bed and then move into ours before the sun rose. Our youngest son would always come and climb in the bed with us every morning around 4 a.m. It was like an internal alarm clock that he had in his body. I really think he walked in his sleep because he would not miss a beat with going back to sleep once he was snuggled beside me.

A funny story, our dear friends were visiting our home. We didn't have a guest bedroom at the time so we let the couple stay in our bedroom. We stayed on the couch in the living room. My son was still young at the time. Just like clockwork, 4 a.m. came and our son found his way to the bedroom. Let me add, he was around 7 yrs old. He went to my side of the bed like always and climbed in. My dear friend, just moved over and let him in. She knew he did this but she didn't want to embarss him. But, when morning came, eyes opened and our son realized, that he wasn't laying beside his mom. He jumped up and ran! We have laughed several times about how he snuggled with the wrong mom.

It is so hard to set boundries with your children when they are young. As a mom, you love and desire that snuggle time with your child. You desire to feel needed and wanted by your children. But on the other hand, what is it doing to your married life? If you know your child is a roamer at night, or even starts out in the bed with you, are you able to be free and comfortable with your mate? No, because we don't want to "scar" our children with them seeing something that they would not really understand.

You need to guard your bedroom. Guard it in a way that lets your mate know that the bed room is your marriage sanctuary that you only share with him. You need to create a space and atmosphere that you and your mate can be open and comfortable to enjoy and not feel worried that it is going to be invaded. This invasion could be from children, pets, and the dreaded clothes draped on the bed. Create a bedroom that reflects your love for your mate. Don't create a bedroom that holds toys, and items that you just don't know what to do with it.

This is something that was hard for me as my children was young. I had to recreate our bedroom after we finally (at the age of 8) told our son to go back to bed everytime he came in the room. My husband or I would walk him back to his room at first and make sure he was ok. But as I look back, I realize what a difference it has made in my marriage since I have created a room that is just for my husband and I.

Talk with your husband, pull out paint colors, fabric, pictures, baskets, etc and create your dream bedroom that you will feel sexy, loved and comfortable in. Work toward creating it piece by piece. Take out items that don't belong. This is one room in the house that you only share with your spouse.

Tomorrow, I am going to be writing about how to create that space that is just for you and your spouse. Can't wait to hear your ideas.

Empty Nest and Marriage

How are we going to deal with empty nest? I think it is going to be hard to adjust. I think I will have a hard time with it but I really think my husband will have a harder time with it when it becomes real. Are we ready for that? Do we need to go ahead and prepare for that? Or should we have been preparing for it ever since the first day our daughter was born?

I think as parents and husband and wife maybe this should be thought of through out the years as our children are growing up. From the day they are born, is it not our responsibility to raise children that will leave the home? If we are raising our children to be able to stand alone and leave the home, shouldn't we be preparing also at the same time for empty nest?

What are some ways to prepare for the empty nest? What are some ways that we can stay connected to our spouse and not have to re-introduce ourselfs to him/her when our children move out?

• Keeping a date night. Date nights or days needs to be kept and done as often as possible. You need that time to connect with your spouse. You need that time to where you can share your thougths and ambitions. If you don't do this, 20 years go by and your spouse might not even know what you desire or want to do with the rest of your life.


• Keep your bedroom a place of haven. Don't turn your bedroom into a place to store baby items, clothes, or your work. Keep your bedroom a place of romance and passion. Candles, pillows, special drawer with lotions, cd player, make sure your bedroom allows you to connect with your spouse and not have to stumble over that little tykes bike.


• Write your spouse love notes. Send your spouse a card. Write a note on a sticky note and stick it in his car. Be sure to let them know that you desire to spend time with them.


• Listen for things that your spouse says he likes and dislikes. Listen closely. There is a saying that your taste buds change every 7 years. I firmly believe that your taste period changes often. Listen to your spouse as he is talking to friends or even to you and hear the things that he is saying he enjoys. Focus on them things when you want to do something special for your spouse.


• Talk about memories with your spouse. Go back into history and talk about how your fell in love. Keep that love fresh.


• Talk about your future together. Gregg and I want to travel. We want to go to every professional ballpark in America. To some that sounds crazy and boring, but we want to do that together. It is something we would enjoy together. Dream together on things your want to do.

These are just a few things that we try to do to keep our marriage alive. We fail in so many areas. We have to pick the ball back up so many times. But what a great tesitmony to your children for them to see you building your marriage and keeping it strong even when they are not there.

Simple Ways to Love Your Mate

Sometimes small gestures or act of love go a long ways with your spouse. We need to let our spouses know that we care in different ways. Here is a few ideas that you can try.

• When you mate comes in the door, drop what you are doing and greet your mate with a hug and a kiss. Let them know that they are important and you are glad they are finally home.


• Find a great card with a romantic message in it and mail it to your spouses work. Make sure they can receive mail.


• When you are at odds with each other, acknowledge that you could be wrong.


• When you mate is tired and resting make sure they have a pillow and blanket to be comfortable.


• Make their favorite dessert and suprise them after the meal with it.


• Wrap up their favorite candy in valentines day wrapping paper on a day that is not even Feb. 14th.


• Warm a towel for them in the dryer and have it ready for them when they are getting out of the shower on a cold morning.


• Write a love notes on the sticky notes and place through out the house for your mate to find.


• When you are riding in the car, give them a kiss at each stop light.


• Love your In-laws and speak respectfully about them. This is honoring your mate.

These are just a few ideas that you can simply love on your mate. None of these require much effort but will make your mate feel loved and respected. That is worth a million bucks.